Deborah Frost, part 2

By Steven Ward

Steven:   When you were growing up and first started to read rockcrit stuff, what were your favorite magazines and what rock critics were your favorites? Also, was any writer--rock or otherwise--a particular influence on you?

Deborah:    Did I answer this already? I was very influenced by the Village Voice--it wasn't only the music writing, it was the seemingly new personal journalism. Everything about the Voice appealed to me. But I was probably as influenced by the perspective and point of view represented and expressed by the photographs of Fred McDarrah and Sylvia Plachy and the art of Stan Mack as any individual rock critic. Their work still resonates for me. There was probably a point when I thought Bob Christgau not only had something to say but was worth reading. There was a point when there was a lot of terrific writing in the Voice--or so I thought. The late '70s, maybe the very early '80s, may have been they heyday of rock writing there. Any given week, the section would be amazing. It was kind of like the unique Fillmore bills--you'd have Santana, the Byrds, Blue Oyster Cult, Mahavishnu, nobody thought anything of it. That's just the way it was. You'd be edified and entertained and exposed to something different all at once.

There were a lot of people who had an impact upon me. But I was probably more influenced by someone like Pauline Kael than Greil Marcus. I was taken with Ellen Willis, particularly when she wrote for the New Yorker, but reading her much later, something I wrote about in some obscure literary journal, I realized how little it had to do with music. Of course, she realized it too and moved on. Lester Bangs may have had the most individual influence on me--as a writer. As a person, he kind of repulsed me, which was sort of a problem when this woman, actually my first editor, tried to get rid of him by fobbing him off on me. But what can I say? I've always been more attracted to model types than fat slobby guys. Maybe that's my own weakness. But he's probably the rock critic who individually had the most influence on me. It's probably also why my writing doesn't appeal to some people.

Steven:   I remember an outstanding piece (it may have been a cover) you did for the Village Voice in the '80s about heavy metal and heavy metal culture. Was that the music genre editors tagged you with, and if so, were you comfortable focusing on HM?

Deborah:    It was a cover, and it actually had a very interesting life of its own--it really began as a feature about Mötley Crüe for People, which never happened because after I got to L.A., they wouldn't cooperate and be photographed. And that was sort of the rule then at People--there had to be pictures of you at home or there was no story. They were even going to use somebody they approved of, like Neal Preston, and he would call me up and tell me to meet him at some address that didn't exist and I remember ending up at some police station on some weird mountain and going through high tech maps with the officers on duty. It was just one of the more bizarre run-arounds of my career. But during this period, I also ended up hanging out in London while I was there for something else--maybe it was McCartney--with Lita Ford and Lemmy. It was sort of on my own time--and who else was there--the guy who was in that one-hit group with his stepfather--Randy California, who drowned a little while after. I can't believe I'm having these senior moments, where I have to search for these people's names--but it's really been a long strange trip. I don't think what went on with Randy California even made it into the first draft of that piece. But I remember riding around with him in an English taxi going to some after hours place--anyway, it's not really important. Just one more footnote to another funny night on the road. I wrote the piece a year before it appeared. For all I know, it may still hold the record for being the longest piece in overset in Voice history. And it's been anthologized in at least one book, although without the photos, which really contributed to it.

But I had all of these different experiences, some of which I couldn't use elsewhere--like the publicists for this very Spinal Tap-ish group kept begging me to come to L'Amour, and just to get them to stop bugging me, I did, and all of that ended up in White Noise, which then came out the week that Vince Neil killed Razzle, who was one of the people I hung out with in London and then Mötley Crüe made me their target in subsequent interviews in heavy metal magazines in an attempt to divert attention from what really happened, which was that Vince Neil got drunk and accidentally killed his buddy and seriously injured some other people. I think it's still a pretty great piece, but for me it was also very wrapped up with what was going on with the various characters at the Voice at the time. In many ways, it marked the end of a particular era at the Voice. There was a lot of personal drama--it's probably much more professional now--although I'm sure it isn't nearly as much fun. But as for the heavy metal aspect, to me, it was much more pulsing and alive than the whiney singer-songwriter crap that these corduroyed, pinstriped rock critics would tap their Weejuns to and rhapsodize on and on about. Actually, one would rhapsodize and the rest would all join in. I was never interested in joining the rockcrit or any other kind of establishment. I just wanted to express myself and do my thing. These people really get excited about their little year end lists, and what's best, and lining up their little soldiers and allies who agree with them as if it justifies not only their weeny opinions but their entire existence. Every year, they get more and more into it, and making more of an institution of it all. That's so oppressive and really old-fashioned, in the ancient tradition of the "academy" and all that garbage, as if the dictates are being issued from the Vatican on high. This is not my impulse at all. I'd say, get rid of it, do something new instead of repeating the same old dreary foofarah. It's never been what any kind of art or rock is or should be about.

Steven:   Did you find it hard breaking into the male-dominated field of rockwrite when you started, or easy because there were not as many women writing about rock and roll.? (Although you did have Ellen Willis, Lillian Roxon, and Lisa Robinson…)

Deborah:    Well, these people that you name were not what I would necessarily now describe as serious rock writers, although I think Ellen Willis is certainly a serious thinker as well as writer. Lillian Roxon was a kind of cheerleader, and I think Lisa Robinson has taken that role on. She would be the first to admit she's not a critic. She's a gossip columnist, like Liz Smith, although Liz Smith is probably more in the pocket of the celebrities she publicizes. There's no pretense of it being anything other than purely PR-generated. News it isn't. But yes, it was hard because I was so young and naive I didn't realize that it was simply assumed that if you weren't someone's sister, and even if you were, you were generally expected to be someone's girlfriend. Other than when I wasn't allowed to play with the boys team I was playing on at summer camp in 1963 against the local Little League on Cape Cod, I didn't really experience such outrageous sexism, and in numerous cases, sheer simple harassment, until I was dumb enough to want to become a rock writer. It probably would have been better for my career if I'd just given in to it, but that was not me. But no, it wasn't as bad as having to go to the back of a bus or drink from a different water fountain every day of your life. All kinds of women have been subjected to far worse indignities throughout time and the world. I think I helped open a lot of doors for other people, most of whom simply take it, like everything else, for granted. Of course, if there are more women doing it now, it's for the same reasons there are more women becoming rabbis--it's a low paying job and they're willing to settle for far less than many men. Men have figured out they have more and better options.

Steven:   What magazines and editors were your favorites to write for?

Deborah:    You know, that's really a funny question. I wrote for some legendary and/or prestigious publications that were not necessarily great to write or work for. And I had to deal, at various points, with some people who have elbowed their way to various kinds of success, who were just shmucks on every level. There were some really incompetent, not particularly bright, essentially illiterate editors who were much nicer people than some I still have pretty strong love/hate relationships with. There were a lot of people I just told to fuck off because that was the mood I was in. There were a lot of people I could have resolved things with in a much more mature, never mind more professional or simply decent, way. I think I really thought I had to be a real punk every minute and also for a long, very long time, I was angry about a lot of things that I'm just beginning to understand now, and I probably took it out on anyone who got near me. Maybe it's a testament to my talent that people would put up with any of this shit. Or maybe they thought the piece would be worth it. I remember an editor once saying to me, "You make me look good."

When I really think about it, I learned something from every experience, even working with people who were not especially smart or capable in any realm. And there were places, for instance, Rolling Stone…There was nothing nice about it when I was there, but I felt I had to grit my teeth and bear it, because how could you call yourself a rock critic if you didn't write for Rolling Stone? And there were various situations that I found quite demeaning just getting there that I won't go into now, but I was determined to conduct myself in an ethical, dignified (although I admit that is a kind of funny word to apply to myself, and I do) way. And anyone who has been there knows the kind of atmosphere it can be and the ways people have often been humiliated, but one incident in particular really sums up the whole vibe for me at the time. At the time, I guess I'd written a bunch of things for Rolling Stone, although I might have been doing more for the Record. This was at the point when they both existed, but Jann was going to make the Record into the music magazine, and Rolling Stone was going to be more about Hollywood or politics or whatever he was into at the moment. But I was writing pretty regularly there, and I was working on a book about ZZ Top for Rolling Stone Press, which gets resurrected every so often whenever Jann senses a deal for himself and shuttered just as frequently when it starts costing him money.

I'm just trying to remember what I was doing in a particular office at the end of a certain hall all day. And I was finding it harder and harder to work, even with the door closed, because this hysterical noise and laughter was just emanating from, I guess it was the then-music editor's office. So finally, I went to see what the commotion was about and most of the staff--although not Jann, he was probably away, which is why all the mice were playing so riotously--was in this office. And they were literally rolling on the floor, clutching their sides, laughing at a tape that was playing. It was a recording of some poor person, who sounded somewhat mentally challenged, if not outright retarded, singing a cappella to a Prince song--I think it was "When Doves Cry." It was like hearing somebody listening to the radio or wearing headphones sing obliviously and tunelessly at the top of their lungs. Apparently this tape had been sent to the A&R department of Prince's record label, with the singer querying about the possibility of obtaining his own deal based on the cassette in question. This was the source of such tremendous amusement. Never mind how it ended up in the office of Rolling Stone, where it could make the assembled feel so tremendously superior by merely giving a listen. It made me literally want to throw up. I really wanted to ask each one of these smug bozos to get up and see if he or, in the rare instance, she, could sing any better. But I had to get out of there just for some air.

But I was fortunate enough to work with other people who were smart and insightful and would not necessarily derive enormous pleasure from making fun of cripples. I think Joe Levy was one of the best editors I've ever worked with, at the Voice, or anywhere else. He's smart, even for a Yale man, and he was always all about pulling the best out of the piece, rather than putting his own little territorial pissings over it. That really became a problem with Bob [Christgau], and some of the people who emulated him. Paul Nelson was a great editor in his day, although he had some other issues. David McGee was one of the most conscientious editors as well as a true gentleman, something I can't say about most editors. Joe Levy was a rare exception--of everyone I may have given a hard time, I feel guiltiest about Joe. He didn't deserve it. Barbara O'Dair is a very smart editor. Now there's someone Christgau told wasn't good enough to write criticism in his section. He would get off on these ridiculous power trips. But maybe there was a purpose--anyone with any real ability would be forced to get a real life, not to mention, make a real career, for her or himself. Holly George-Warren was someone I developed a lot of respect for, although I didn't work with her in a magazine context. I think Anthony DeCurtis was a good editor, although we didn't really have that much interaction. I don't remember even discussing any changes with him, if he indeed made them. Jay Lovinger, who I worked for at People, was one of the great editors anywhere, although his style was so low key I don't think I appreciated him enough at the time. I think I've told him since. It's funny, I was in the sandbox when my son was starting kindergarten and a man came up and asked when I'd given up rock&roll. I hadn't, but I think I had changed my outfit for that particular occasion.

There were other people who became good friends even though they might not have been great editors. Like Billy Altman at Creem, who was just a cool person. Billy was really pretty hands-off as an editor. I think I thought everyone should be like my meanest English teacher. I used to think it was just me, or that maybe I thought I deserved a particular kind of abuse, until I realized someone like Christgau terrorized everyone. There were certain huge fat guys who really seemed to enjoy this really sado-masochistic thing that went on between them. I guess people were just not getting enough jollies anywhere else in life--it's truly bizarre when I think back to the scenes that went on, with the writer quaking in the little chair next to Christgau's desk. You have to also realize that the way the offices were laid out--given what these alternative weeklies still publish, I guess I hesitate to call them "newsrooms"--but you have to realize that everyone could see and hear what went down. If you were humiliated, it was very publicly so. Kit Rachlis, who I did not always get along with for a variety of reasons, really forced me to do whatever I finally did anywhere. I was often more resentful than thankful for it. Doug Simmons probably still has his good points, although not everyone would agree with me. Overall, I'm probably proudest of what I was able to write for the Village Voice. That was really where I had the most freedom and opportunities and Maxwell Perkinses to do most of the kind of writing I'd always dreamed about and aspired to.

Steven:   When and why did you give up a career in rock criticism?

Deborah:    That's hard to say. Did I really give it up or am I just on extended sabbatical? I could never understand why other people gave it up. I remember interviewing Chrissie Hynde, who didn't even want to discuss it. Then I realized she really didn't see herself as a rock critic, it was not something she was particularly proud of, just a way of getting where she really wanted to be. I think the same was true of Patti Smith. And you go back to her pieces, and even the best have no pretense about being anything other than personal, extemporaneous personal poetry, undisciplined riffing that splashes a mood and may spurt a lively, occasionally utterly unique image. It's generally not an attempt to state a thesis, never mind write an essay, even one that breaks a few rules. But obviously, she eventually managed to get what she was after. And it worked. Maybe I had a more formal education...no matter how vigorously I've rejected it. But I became really serious about being a journalist and critic whose subject was rock who was just as legitimate as any other serious and original writer. I think something else that I did which not many people, male or female, have the technical expertise as both musicians and writers to do was to really try to get inside and explain the process of making rock music and records--which is what I still call them even if now they're really CDs or files or whatever. You know what I mean? Most rock writers are people with literary aspirations who appreciate music but really don't understand how to do it--or else they probably would. There are people who write for guitar mags who may have some more knowledge about how to tap like Eddie Van Halen but they have even less elegance or imagination when it comes to the English language. Of course, there are just as many great rock musicians who can't really articulate what it is that they do.

Then again, have you ever tried to have a conversation with a soccer player? Playing music, especially rock music, is as much about small muscle skills. And particularly since MTV, it's even more about athleticism. I guess I've said before that the epiphany for me was sitting in Giants Stadium working for some New York daily--I was really at the top of my game here--watching the audience watch Genesis on the enormous video screen--or maybe stream out to buy beer because Genesis was so fucking boring and it was clear that the audience would have appreciated showing a clip of their Michelob commercial more than this attempt to recreate their studio hits. And I thought, for this I'm paying a babysitter? I really wanted to leave, because I knew I could write the piece in my sleep and I knew that the paper didn't care if I did or not, or if even the intern from the Sports Department phoned it in. It made absolutely no difference. And many times people have just made things up, you see the critic leave early. And they usually get the set list from the publicist or road manager because half the time the sound is so horrendous in these places that even if you loved the artist and knew his or her entire repertoire by heart you couldn't figure out what the hell is echoing across the 50 yard line. But I had this image of me leaving early and the Pope parachuting in and the one time there was a real story, I'd miss it... It was hard to say no when the telephone rang because I really did work my ass off for years to make it happen, but I really couldn't stand what the people on the other end were asking me to do, no matter how much they were willing to pay me for it.

Around the same time, I had a very intense interview with Henry Rollins, although I knew it was in many ways just his shtick. It always is. The end result was not even something I would rank among my great pieces, or masterpieces, as Joe would call them, although I would usually think he was just trying to be flattering. I think it was really a favor for a friend at BAM or something, the kind of thing I would do so I could convince myself I wasn't doing everything just for the money or because it was a job. But Rollins was literally getting right in my face--just like one of his shows, only I was the only audience--and it went on for hours, with him alternately barking like a drill sergeant in your worst nightmare and then revealing some of the most intimate kinds of things that you probably don't and wouldn't want to know about one of your closest friends. And it touched a very raw nerve. It really brought up some very, very dark things that I had blocked out for a long, long time. And I really thought, what am I doing? I'm almost 40 years old. I was really pretty comfortable, but I was also very unhappy. It was very easy to keep doing what I was doing, in fact, that's why I kept doing it as long as I did. But it really also kept me from doing what I needed to.

There were other aspects--that I had a child who really mattered a great deal to me, probably more than anything--and doing something that involved being away from him at night and for extended periods of time--and for what? Some enterprise run by people like Gerald Levin who are only interested in getting rich at the expense of the people they contract everything out to, like migrant workers they can hire and fire at whim? This was also a point where every publication knew they were going to exploit the internet, and even the ones that had always been very decent about not forcing writers to sign away all of their rights for nothing, really began demanding that they sign these ridiculous contracts. Never mind that there was absolutely no kind of solidarity or community among the writers--the writers were really perfectly happy to do it, it was every man or woman for him or herself. I found it particularly ironic that the first people to very merrily sign up were these feminist babes whose ouevre was predicated entirely upon the worship of Kathleen Hanna and Sleater-Kinney and others of that ilk. They had no ambivalence. Their attitude was, "Oh goodie, more for me"--rather than what might benefit the entire community in the long run. I found it particularly dispiriting. But maybe I'm just an outmoded relic of the '60s.

Steven:   Blue Oyster Cult was always known as a rock critic's band because of the connections of Richard Meltzer and Patti Smith (both of who wrote lyrics), and Sandy Pearlman (who managed and produced the band). Did any of that stuff have anything to do with you first meeting BOC drummer Albert Bouchard?

Deborah:    Well, it probably had a lot to do with Albert's simply tolerating me! You don't notice me starting a band with...Lars Ulrich. Or Jimmy Page. Not that I'm not fond of both and their own inimitable ways, but I think Albert is a little more enlightened with regard to both women and rock critics. He also spent enough time with rock critics that he felt I was really wasting my time. I don't think he liked seeing how I was treated or what I went through. He's very supportive of just about anything that I do but he really encouraged me to stop. But there are plenty of bands that are Ford model bands...and it doesn't seem to be quite the pejorative you make "rock critic's band" sound like. Am I overly sensitive about this? I think a lot more has been made of the rock critic connection with BÖC than some other artists--Bruce Springsteen is probably still more involved with the rock critic ethos than BÖC ever was. Albert and I got together only peripherally through rock & roll. What really happened was that in 1984, I ran into Helen Wheels in a bodybuilding gym. It was actually a pretty funny gym--I ran into David Lee Roth there, too, and he was very humble, much more so then when I'd done a cover story on him for The Record and he was really incredibly obnoxious. He saw the interview as his opportunity to just hold forth--he just wanted to do a monologue, rather than participate in any give and take. The piece came out pretty well anyway, just because I decided to put up with, rather than challenge his nonsense. But the gym is another context altogether--and it was kind of cool that we had that opportunity to have a little P.S. And it's also just one of those New York-really-can-be-a-small-town things that make you appreciate being here and loving it here in spite of what you always had to do just to get across the street even before Arabs started trying to blow us all up.

But anyway, Helen is someone who had written lyrics for BÖC, and she'd actually been the great love of Albert's life in, like, 1967, which doesn't just seem like another century, it really was one. And there was another funny connection in that the other girls in Flaming Youth had met her in Max's or somewhere one of those nights I'd decided to stay in and take advantage of the terrible water pressure on E. 10th St. Princess that I was, I occasionally did enjoy taking a bath. There were a few other major events I missed that way too, but I've gone on too long here as it is.

Anyway, Helen had wanted Flaming Youth to back her up in 1973 or something, and I got really offended and said something to the effect of, "Who the fuck does this Helen Wheels think she is? I am not a back-up musician," which of course has only become more hysterical, to me, anyway, since Helen died unexpectedly in January, 2000, and I found myself devoting the next entire year of my life to making a record where I was essentially backing her up, only she wasn't there anymore. But I'm sure she would appreciate the gesture.

Anyway, both Albert and I were training for the New York Marathon, and after she introduced us, we began running together, then writing together and that was that. Albert was always someone I admired as a drummer--in fact, he was probably one of the reasons I stopped playing drums. It was like when I was into figure skating for a brief period in my childhood and it wasn't only that I couldn't stand the outfits, but Dorothy Hamill was the kid on the patch next to me. It was really very instructive at 6 a.m. on a freezing morning at a very early age. I realized that not only did I have certain physical limitations in comparison, I didn't have the unbelievable concentration and desire I was witnessing right in front of me at that moment to overcome them to just reach the standard that was also being set. And I was probably a better drummer than skater--which may not be saying much. But it depends how much you love anything and what you can live with doing, if that makes sense. But we really had more in common than I've ever had with anyone. And he's also a great teacher, which I think anyone who's ever worked with him is well aware of. He's also much too humble to take credit for what he really does. Even the guys in Metallica--they loved BÖC, which I think they made pretty explicit by covering one of Albert's songs, and they were very particular about it being one of Albert's and his brother Joe's songs--they couldn't figure out what happened and why something that seemed so great to other people just didn't work for those involved. But anyone who understands music knows what the deal is. You can hear it.

That's how BÖC managed to be so productive during the time he was there. Then after we put out the record, people said, when are we going to see the band? And then we had to do the band. Albert actually wanted to work with this very talented and funny guitar player, Pete Bohovesky, who'd been in a young band he'd produced. And then he ran into Billy Hilfiger, who was an old friend, who was really eager to play guitar, too. We weren't planning on being such a guitar band. But I didn't really have to play, because we had these two hot shots. And they had certain typically macho attitudes about my playing guitar, so I didn't play. It was just as easy to not. Then, in '97, just as we were really starting to get it together and about to do our first national tour, Billy was diagnosed with a brain tumor. At first, everyone was hoping for the best, but it turned out he had the deadliest form of cancer. He was pretty amazing, though. He was really determined to beat the odds and he almost did. He survived just a little over what the maximum life expectancy is for someone with his disease. I don't know how much he really knew about it, but we did. And it wasn't great for his spirits to say, OK, you have a brain tumor, you're out of the band. We tried to work things around him, but it was pretty difficult. In the interim, Pete, who'd already experienced some very serious stuff with his own family, decided that he wanted to give up music completely. He started selling all of his gear without even telling us. It was kind of annoying, because we would have bought it. Basically he was giving it away. He'd show up for a gig without an amp and it took us a while to figure out what was going on. But hopefully, he'll find his way and things will work out for him.

Meanwhile, we decided we didn't really want to get another guitar player and I had to get serious, for the first time in my life, about playing the guitar, something I'd really done since I was 10 years old without making any progress whatsoever. Felice Rosser of Faith, who's a really great singer and bass player, was the one who convinced me I could do it. She told me all I had to do was practice--what a concept, and one that had never previously occurred to me. And it's really begun to all come together live in a way it never did before. And I am really, really enjoying playing. And I've been forced to overcome a lot of my insecurities about my playing. I think that's also why I basically hid behind the keyboard of my typewriter--and later, computer--for so long. I felt more confident there--although that's not saying much.

David Hirschberg had actually never played bass before we forced him to join us. The guy who played on Eponymous, who played with Joan Osborne and Poppa Chubby, basically flaked out at the last minute. David had played guitar, but he's one of these very musical people who can play practically anything--he actually played sax on Eponymous. In fact, he was the only one of the Brain Surgeons, other than me and Albert, who was on the debut. So we are really back to the basic unit. And one day, he was fooling around on guitar and I picked up the bass and it's something we've been switching around with ever since. It's kind of weird, but then so is everything else we do and it gives us both a chance to stretch out a little and surprisingly, it works. The whole thing has evolved very organically. And even though it can be grueling doing it in a completely un-glamorous, no-frills way, musically it's very satisfying. There's no hype, it's very pure and basic. And if you come see us, you'll know what I'm talking about. Soon we'll be old enough to take our rocking chairs and be just like any other regular blues people. Well, maybe blues people with a little light show and hopefully a couple of laughs. For me, the blues is really the essence. That's what it's all about.

Steven:    What do you think of rock criticism today? Do you have any current favorite mags you read, or writers you like?

Deborah:    There really is no one right now I'm honestly compelled to read. There are some people, like Neil Strauss, for example, who I think are solid, credible reporters. I will read what he writes simply for news value, because it always has some. I'll read The New Yorker, which is worth reading once again. It's too bad that they've never been able to come to terms with rock. High Fidelity was one of my favorite books, so I was optimistic when Nick Hornby wrote a few columns. But it's one thing to be a fan, another to write knowledgeably about music week in and week out. It's funny, though, they don't seem to have that problem with other kinds of music. Whitney Balliett is actually another of my great idols. He makes me really want to hear the music he's talking about. Maybe that's what it is about most rock critics now--they really make me not want to hear the artist or album under discussion. And I don't think I'm alone there. That's not to say that I don't read a tremendous amount. But the formulas of most rock magazines are just too obvious to me. I feel like I've read it all before, just like the women's and the men's fashion and health mags all seem to advertise and contain the same sex and diet tips every issue. I don't waste my time buying them. I read them all at the doctor or hair salon or gym. But I read a lot of books, not only about music--Albert and I both just finished Constantine's Sword by James Carroll. I think everyone should read it.

Steven:    Any chance you would ever write rock criticism again?

Deborah:    I don't know that I ever actually said that I wouldn't. I would write for The New Yorker. But I had reached a point where I didn't even want to listen to music, much less write about it. I was reminded of this when I went to the memorial for Alan Betrock last year, which just happened to be at CBGBs the day Joey Ramone died, so it was even more poignant. People were remembering how Alan, who founded New York Rocker, which was a labor of love for everyone, and I was thrilled to be part of it, would always ask you on the phone, "So what are you listening to?" And I was thinking about how happy I was to finally not feel so negatively about everything that after awhile it just got to be too much effort to even go through the motions of faking it, which of course you might not realize reading me because even at my most obnoxious, I am still funny. I am not stupid. And I am a pro. But I was hell to be anywhere near, especially for myself. And I had just lost the ability to derive joy from or appreciate the beauty in anything. A lot of it has to do with just working on my playing, and realizing how much it means to me and how much I get off on doing it. If people like it, that's nice, but I don't really care. I am just trying to be satisfied with what I'm doing and take pleasure in little improvements. And one day, I realized that I was listening to music and enjoying it in a way I had not in years. I was just putting on Aretha for sheer pleasure and hearing a syllable or an inflection that I might have heard thousands of times before come alive in a new way. At this moment in time, there isn't a day that someone in this house isn't playing a Duke Ellington tune one way or another--whether banging it out on the piano or from the master, who of course, re-imagined the same things differently himself depending upon how long or who he had to tinker with.

I realize now that a lot of what I "achieved" as a writer was all for the wrong reasons. I was very wrapped up in things that did not matter at all--really, a lot of nonsense--like where my byline was appearing, how big my pieces were. Just a lot of crap, which I don't think was especially unique to me. And I would let myself get really sucked into the little games that other screwed up people would play. There were certain editors who were always trying to promote rivalries, particularly between women. At a certain point, Albert refused to go to another Christmas party. He described the people at one particular publication as all standing around talking behind their hands about everyone else instead of to anyone else. But I think he nailed the real difference between music critics and their subjects very succinctly. Music is essentially a communal effort, writing is not. Musicians have to be supportive of one another at some very basic level--otherwise you'll never be able to play together. With writers, it's every man or woman for himself and they're all fighting for the same pathetic crumbs it's in the interest of the people who pay them to keep them scrambling for.

There's still a lot of interesting music being made and being listened to in most places in the world every minute of the week. And there are lots of thought-provoking ways to ruminate over and discuss it all. I think there are also ways to do it that can even be reasonable business, rather than utterly self-indulgent propositions. Which is not to say that plenty of self-indulgent propositions are not appreciated by a like-minded audience, either. But I think it's also time to re-examine and re-work the approaches to them and come up with creative solutions. I mean, Rolling Stone did not succeed originally because it rehashed some tried, true formulas or corporate models but because it was an organic response to a particular time and community. It suffered its growing pains, as everything does. It's adapted, amazingly, to various climates. If you really want to look at where it came from and where, maybe, it went astray--although commercially, it was probably more successful--you need to consider that it wasn't about the market, but about what people wanted to say. And there was also the wise elder, the Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ralph Gleason. It probably would be very different if he were here. Maybe it wouldn't be here. But things change. And not everyone wants to have a go at Excalibur...and there's no reason why they should. But you can always dream. On and otherwise.

Steven:    What CD would you bring to a desert island and why? (No box sets please.)

Deborah:   I don't think I would bring any CD. Anything that I've heard I can hear again in my head. It's what I don't know already that I'm much more interested in.

But let me ask you--this mythical desert island everyone always wants to bring a CD to...well, that would probably be more practical than the old record album, because at least you could bring your battery operated CD player for a while. But there wouldn't be much of a point in bringing any CD or album anywhere if you planned on playing it a whole lot while you're on that island, right? So I'm assuming you're really going to a desert island with electricity--at this point in time, you might as well bring your computer and download all of recorded history, as well as use it to make a whole lot of new stuff in case your guitar or whatever else you wanted might have gotten shipwrecked en route. So maybe it's time to just give up the ghost of this nutty desert island conceit once and for all. It's gotten pretty tired, no?

Back to Deborah Frost, part 1